Returning From the Past
by Andi.Elric
Summary: What if Pony was actually a girl living three years after Johnny and Dally's deaths? Pony Curtis has lived with the deaths of her best friends for 3 years, knowing everything changed since before she entered college, after everything in her life was just never the same. When Pony gets a blast from her past, she's forced to reckon with the past she'd rather forget than deal with.
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay, I've had this on .com (username: ZKAngel18) for a while (it's titled "The Outsiders" because I lack a creative nerve when it comes to titles sometimes). So I decided to put this on here. Good luck with it. I've had a few people just appalled that I made a character gender bent. **_

_**Yes, a character is gender bent, and no, I am not sorry about it.**_

_**Now that that is out of the way. I love the book "The Outsiders" and came up with this after reading most of Hinton's books and watching "The Outsiders" like fifty times (just not all at the same time). This takes place after "That was Then, This is Now" and "The Outsiders" and before "Tex". I do have a couple characters from "That was Then". Like Mark. You'll see how Mark and Bryon fit in that. **_

_**So yeah, now that that is out of the way as well. Enjoy the show!**_

* * *

"When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home." Those words are still etched in my mind as I rode the bus back to my hometown. It was my first year in college, any boy did it kick my butt. I was ready to come home anyway. I missed Darry and Two-bit and my side of town. I was the first greaser to make it to college and actually survive the year without dropping out.

I can't believe that after all these years of living without my best friend and Dallas, I still see the words on the paper when I wrote my theme for school. I missed them and regretted that I never got to fulfill Johnny's wishes of making Dally see a sunset. After I read Johnny's letter and thought about it, he was right. Dally wouldn't have gone on his own. Now that I think about it, Johnny's death has been a big part of me since they died. I thought about him constantly. I thought about Dallas too, just not as much. As much as I hated thinking about the night my friends died, it's the only way I can sleep at night knowing they aren't going to come back to life.

I looked at my used composition notebook again, rereading the words I wrote three years ago. I was a good writer then. I knew what I wanted to say and how to explain everything. I just refused to let my English workshop know it actually happened. I wanted to make sure they knew it was fiction and that was it. I didn't want them to know that I went through everything. Even my teacher thought this was impressive. Like I said, I wanted them to think it was a figment of my imagination.

I watched as everything I grew up with came into view. I smiled and closed my worn notebook and stuffed it in my bag as everything from my childhood came rushing back: Mom and Dad, Soda, Johnny, Dallas, Steve, Two-bit, the lot, the drive-ins, the rumble, my old school. Everything was coming into focus, just like everything had changed in the nine months I've been away. It was still the same buildings, roads, and the people looked the same. Have I changed or something?

I got off the Greyhound and grabbed my luggage. I was gonna return next semester but I wanted everything with me. I stepped into the building and looked around. It was the same as when I left. Well, everything was the same except a grinning Darry and Two-bit. I ran to them, dropping my bags and booking it into their arms. I wrapped my arms around them, making sure they weren't apperations I conjoured up and actually muscular Darry and laughing Two-bit.

"Look at you, Pony," Darry said as we finally got a good look at each other. We've written to each other and talked on the phone and stuff but nothing compares to actually seeing them and feeling them in your arms.

"I know, " I said with a wide smile. "Look at the two of you. I swear you guys look the same."

For that instant, I forgot about Soda, Johnny, and Dallas. I even forgot about everything my life here was like.

"Naw, we ain't the same. We're just older. I mean, look at Darry," Two-bit said. Leave it to Two-bit to make Darry feel even older.

I looked around and noticed Steve wasn't with them. "Where's Steve?"

"Workin' at the DX," Two-bit said. "They've been pretty short handed and they are still as busy as ever."

I didn't want to tell them yet that I wanted a job. The scholarship is great every year but I want my own money to spend while I am here. After all, I am seventeen.

Darry hit the side of Two-bit's shoulder to chastise him. I smiled as Two-bit grimaced and rubbed where Darry hit him. Darry looked at me with a smile.

"Well, get your bags, you're coming home with us," he said as he pointed to my dropped bags that were scattered on the floor.

I turned back to them and gave them an embarrassed smile before going and picking them up. Maybe things have changed around here. I didn't expect Two-bit or even Darry to grab my bags from me and carry them to the truck. I wouldn't let them take my bag. It held everything precious in my life. My compostion notebook with my theme in it. My pictures of my family and friends, and a necklace Soda sent me once. I just wear a plain necklace I got from Cherry when I graduated. I didn't want to ruin anything about it.

I sat in the middle as we rode home. Everything was the same as when I left. Even the buildings were. The Cade house was still empty, the lot was full of greasers, and the streets look just as bad. Nothing was new, except for the fact that Two-bit is living with Darry and I. That happened just after I left. Darry told me over the phone one time. At first, I didn't believe it. Now, I can't believe he waited this long to move in.

I felt my heart shudder when we passed the park that Johnny killed Bob in, or the place where I was jumped for the first and last time. They brought back painful memories that I can' t erase. I tried not to let either of them know I still dream about the murders and Dally's death. I still dream like when Mom and Dad died. This time, I don't have Sodapop to comfort me in the middle of the night.

"Welcome home, Pony," Darry said as he parked the truck and let me out.

The house looked the same. The same yard, the same doors, even the same porch that I loved to sit on and watch the colors in the sky and think about how things have changed. I smiled. At least this was the same. Two-bit and Darry unloaded my bags and we went in. Everything was still the same, even before Johnny and Dally died. There was still cake left out from breakfast and smelled and felt like home. I walked into my old room and looked around. It didn't have nearly as much life as the rest of the house. Was it because of Soda and me leaving?

Darry and Two-bit left me alone to unpack and I rearranged the room to make it look the same. My books scattered to the four corners of my room. Pictures on my bulliten board and notebooks on my desk. This felt better but it was still missing a big part: Soda. Nothing was the same without Soda. Even after I left for college nothing was the same. Glory, the things that happen when one person leaves.

Later on, after dinner, I finally bound up the courage to tell Darry my plans.

"Darry," I said as I looked to my lap for support. "I want a job."

Darry looked at me like I was crazy. "Why?"

"I want my own money for the summer. I don't want to have to ask you for it all the time."

"Fine," he said without much argument. "Where are you going to go?"

I shrugged. "Anywhere they will take me."

* * *

I decided to see Steve. He never came by last night and I wanted to see my brother's best friend. When I walked in, the place looked the same. It smelled the same. I even recognized Steve right away. He still looked the same and kept his hair combed in greasy, complicated swirls I'm glad I can't do with my own hair. I had this feeling in the pit of my gut that he wouldn't recognize me. I know my looks have changed a little.

"Steve?" I asked as I walked to the counter.

"Depends on who's askin'," he said as he leaned against the opposite sides of the counter.

"Someone who is interested in a job here," I said. I knew Soda's presence would linger here, and I kind of wanted it.

"Why would a girl like you want a job here?" Steve was trying to flirt with me. I want to see his face when he realizes that I am Soda's little sister.

"Well, I want money and my brother worked here," I said.

"Who was your brother?" Now he was confused. He still thinks I am at college.

"Sodapop Curtis," I said with a smile.

I can admit Steve's face was priceless. He went from pure shock from head to toe and a smile all in one shot.

"Remember me now?" I asked with a smile.

"Glory, Pony, I thought you were someone else." Steve gave me a smile and leaned against the counter. "How many days do you feel like working?"

"Weekends, weekdays, wherever you want me," I said with a nonchalant shrug. I just want money. I work up at the university in the library.

"How about Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?" Steve said. "You start now."

My first day wasn't all that exciting. I already knew the inner workings of the DX Station from when Soda and Steve worked there together. I knew how to pump gas and even count change. There weren't very many people. I didn't care. It gave me time to catch up with Steve. I may have said that I sometimes hated my brother's best friend on occasions when I didn't want him to open his mouth, but after getting to know him again, he wasn't half bad. He just worked the same job he did three years ago.

"So, at work, what do you want me to call you? I am sure Pony is first on your list."

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, Curtis is fine. I'd rather people not know I am here just yet."

"They're gonna," he said. "You're the Curtis Girl. Like hell they ain't gonna recognize you."

"Fine then, I'll look like Soda."

"How will you do that?"

"You'll see tomorrow," I said with a smile as I jumped off the counter and started for the door. "See you tomorrow, Steve."

"Yeah, see ya," he said as I closed the door.

It was a nice night to walk. It wasn't cold or raining. It was a nice night, too bad my mind started wandering again. Before, I would have thought about was kind of pictures I could draw, or a story I could write. Now, after everything has happened, I think about what has happened. It's sad to think that one horrific night could cost me my imagination. I mean, I didn't do this after Mom and Dad died.

I walked into my house and looked at Two-bit sprawled on the couch and Darry watching the news. I smiled when Darry looked up and saw me. He smiled and shook his head.

"And where have you been?" he asked, trying to be the old Darry that would have yelled at me for not telling him where I was going.

"Working," I said as I stepped farther in. "I got a job with Steve Randle Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

Darry smiled and shook his head. "Okay, I'll talk to Steve about hours."

"Don't do that, Darry," I whined. I can still pull the youngest kid stunt every now and again.

Two-bit, who had just woke up from his nap, started laughing. "Listen to her, Darry. She actually wants to work."

"Alright, little buddy, what do you want for dinner?"

"Anything," I said as I walked to my bedroom to change.

Maybe coming back for the summer was a good thing. Maybe this is what I need to forget. I know it's going to be hard at first. Steve and Two-bit don't know I hang out with socs sometimes. But they aren't the usual socs. They became my friends after this whole mess with Johnny and me. Cherry has helped me through some of my college stuff after she graduated. Funny, we even go to the same college. Randy is at another college and him and Marcia are engaged. He still talks to me, and checks on me every now and again. If someone told me before the murders happened that I'd be friends with socs, I would have thought they were off their rocker. Now, it just seems normal.


	2. Chapter 2

I dreamed that night. I dreamed about when Johnny died. I woke up, gasping for air. I knew it happened but I never wanted to relive it again. I turned on my light and reached for _Gone With The Wind_. I opened to the place where Johnny left his letter and reread it, making sure I was still in this world. I'll never forget thinking it was too late to stay gold. Even if I wanted to, time changes people. I couldn't show Dallas a sunset, or tell Johnny anything I really wanted to.

I went to work with my long hair in a hat. I looked at myself in the mirror before I left. I looked like Soda. Maybe I'd scare Steve into thinking I was actually him. But even Steve knows what happened. I started walking to work. Funny, it didn't seem like work yet. It just seemed like I was hanging out. I walked into the station and Steve stared at me.

"Pony?" he asked as I walked in and slipped my work shirt on.

"Yeah?" I said,"what's the matter? Something bothering you?"

"Well, no one will recognize you now. You look like Soda."

I smiled and began to get ready for costumers. After a few hours, we got busy and eventually both of us lost track of time. Steve was handling the mechanics of cars and I just pumped gas and gave them maps. It kept me on my feet until we slowed down and we leaned against the building.

"You can go home, Curtis," he said. "You've worked enough today."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, the rush is over and it's going to be dead for a while. Go on home, Darry might be waiting for you."

After we exchanged farewells, I started home. I walked down the shoulder of the roads and looked back occasionally to make sure I wasn't going to get jumped again. After three years of looking over my shoulder, nothing has happened. I tried to keep what Dallas said in my mind. "You'd better wise up, Pony... you get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothing can touch you..." I got tough. For a while, I didn't care who it was, I wanted to fight. I just hated that it was Dallas's last lines to me before he died.

I sighed and finally looked ahead of me at the road ahead. There was a red Chevy on the side fo the road. I kept walking, thinking the driver was asleep in the driver's seat. As I got closer, I noticed the hood up. He wasn't asleep. He was broke down.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked as I got closer to the front end.

He was bent over the front, looking at the engine, trying to figure out what was wrong. He stood up to look at me and turned to me. I felt my breath hitch when I saw him. He had high cheek bones, and he almost looked elfish. When he smiled, he looked even more familiar. For an instant, I thought it was Dallas. He looked just like Dallas, even with his so-blond-almost-white hair. I fought the urge to tilt my head.

"Yeah, my car stopped moving," he said. "Would you think I'm okay?'

Okay, he even has Dallas's sarcasm. But I know he's not Dallas. Dallas is dead just like...just like Johnny.

"You know, there is a DX Station about a mile. Talk to Steve; he'd hook you up," I said. Just because I still don't like Steve all that much doesn't mean I won't give him work. "Just tell him Curtis sent you."

"Curtis?" he repeated.

I looked up amd made sure I was still wearing my hat. "Yeah," I said as I startedI walking away.

I walked home shrugging the Dallas look-alike from my memory. As far as I was concerned, seeing me him just didn't just happen. When I got close to home, I looked to my house. It was still home as far as I was concerned. I noticed Darry was home, and knowing Two-bit, he was too. I walked in and flopped on the couch.

"How was work?" Darry asked from the kitchen.

I shrugged. "It got busy at some parts then it was dead so Steve sent me home."

"Don't worry, Pony, you can always just quit and spend your money wisely," Two-bit said. Knowing him, he was getting to be lonesome and just wanted my company.

"Yeah, sure," I said as I nodded my head.

After everyone was silent, I sighed a little and went to my room. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Today, I just wanna remember. I wanna remember Johnny's voice, Dallas's toughness, and Soda's smile. I wanna remember Johnny walking and playing poker with me in Windrixville. I want to remember the "advice" Dallas gave me. I really want to remember Soda's arm wrapped around me after I started having nightmares.

Images flashed through my mind. It was like I was watching it all like a movie or something. The first was at Mom and Dad's funeral. I was wrapped around Soda's body, bawling my eyes out. Then it flashed to Johnny and me sitting next to Cherry and Marcia at the Nightly Double drive-in. We seemed so happy then, even after Dallas tried his tricks on Cherry. It flashed again to later that night when I woke up to see Johnny shaking and his blade deep red. I was still lying there, taking everything in, just like that night. Now, I knew what happened. Another flash, the fire. The smoke filling my lungs, making me suffocate. The fire slowly burning my skin. Johnny carrying kids over his shoulders with a smile permanently wiped across his face. Fade to black. Everything was mute. Johnny was rolled by and seconds before Dallas did. Everything slowed down as I saw Darry and Soda's face. Darry was smiling like before. God, no one told me I looked that awful. I looked so thrilled to see my brothers again. The world stopped and saw Soda's smile. Hell, I was lost in it. I stared at it, clinging to it before I was ripped away to the rumble. I ducked to miss a guy flying through the air as Soda ripped someone off me and punched them a few times. God, I look even worse now, I thought as I watched myself fight. Blood was dripping from me head and dirt covered nearly every inch of my face. In an instant, I was in the hospital. I knew the hallway way too well. I stared as two gruesome-looking hoods passed me. I wouldn't have known it was Dallas and I until we had already passed me. I recognized my hair. I ran to the door they were going into. I wanted to stop what was happening next. It was too late. By the time I was at the door, Dallas was running through it. I dropped to my knees and refused to watch myself. I just heard noises. There were so many hurried footsteps. People were yelling, gun blasts rang into the darkness. The only voice I heard clearly was a weak, slowly dying voice saying, "Pony" before going silent. The next I heard was someone collapsing onto another body. I held my head and kept my head down low. When I lifted my head to see where I was next, I was at the cemetery. There was a funeral in procession. I could see Steve, Two-bit, Darry and I. No matter how long I looked, I couldn't find Soda. After a moment, I knew why. I closed my eyes tightly to drown out the world. If I can't see it, it doesn't exist.

I shot up from my pillow. That's one dream that was a little too real. I know they were memories, but seeing them again made me think it was all the more reason why I wanted to keep them deep in my memories and never to bring them up again. I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus on the fact that it was a dream. I was afraid to fall asleep again. I didn't want anything like that to happen again. I looked around my room. Everything was the same. There wasn't some crazy ghost ready to take me through my past at some of the best and worst moments of my life. I pulled back the covers and got out of bed. I didn't want to read, or draw. I wanted to take a walk. If Darry or Two-bit get up before I come back, I'll leave a note.

I pulled on a pair of jeans over my shorts. I pulled a long-sleeve over my head and quickly snuck to the front door where my shoes were. I grabbed them on my way out the door. I sat on our front step and put on my socks and tennis shoes. I stepped down and looked at the house before I turned around and started on my walk. I decided against writing a note. I wasn't going to be long. I went to the vacant lot. Like always, it was vacant. There wasn't some hood that was sleeping in the car seat that was torn out of a car a few years ago. There wasn't a fire that someone was huddled around to keep warm because their home life sucked. Johnny used to sleep there, I thought as I passed the lot and kept going to the park. The park wasn't the same after Dallas and Johnny died. None of the socs ever went back to the park, thinking they were going to end the same as Bob. I don't blame them. It was my first time coming back in a long time.

I finally turned around and headed back to the house after I reached the park. When I reached home, there was a light on. I walked in just as the sun was starting to peak. I slowly shut the door so I wouldn't scare who was up. I sat on the couch and waited for them to come out. I wasn't tired anymore. I wasn't scared anymore either. I was just exhausted. I wished I had some company with me when I went on my walk but it was nice to cool down and stop thinking about that dream. The dream that seemed too real for words.

Eventually, Darry walked out of the kitchen and stared at me. I knew he was wondering why I was up and not asleep like I usually am when he goes on his early morning runs. I smiled at him when he smiled at me.

"What are you doing up, Pony?" he asked as he walked further into the living room.

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," I said as I looked at him.

"Where did you go?"

"For a walk," I said. "I just got back actually."

"You feeling okay?" he asked me. I knew he was worried about me. I had a feeling Soda told him I wasn't sleeping very well after Johnny and Dallas died. It wasn't the nightmares like after Mom and Dad died. It was more of I just didn't want to sleep, fearing everyone around me would disappear.

"Yeah, Darry, I'm fine," I said as I stood up and stretched. "I better go and get ready for work."

"Okay," he said as he put on his tennis shoes and headed out the door. "Tell Steve to stop by sometime."

"I will," I called back as I headed in the opposite direction for a shower.

I grabbed my work uniform and headed into the bathroom. I began thinking about how my life would have changed if Dallas or Johnny hadn't died that night, or if Soda never left Oklahoma. I knew my life would have been a little better after the court hearing after the rumble if one of them was still alive, preferably Johnny. At least then, I would have never been a vacuum for so long. It seemed like only a few things came from the whole mess with Bob Sheldon's murder: Darry and I didn't fight nearly as much and I got a little closer to Mark Jennings before he went off to prison and became just like Dallas.

I took my shower and took my time getting ready. It still felt odd wearing my uniform because I spent some of my life seeing Soda with it on. I felt like I was dressing up like him and he wasn't around to catch me in the act. I walked out of the bathroom barefoot. It seemed like the more I got older, the less I liked my shoes and socks. I walked into my room and threw the clothes I was wearing earlier into a backpack. I was thinking about getting together with Cherry or Marcia and going to the drive-in for something soon. We haven't been there in a long time.

I walked out and cut me a slice of cake for breakfast. None of the breakfast food sounded good to me and Darry left it out there to tease me. As I bit into it, it made me really miss Soda's cake. I've no idea why. When I was younger, when he made the cake, it was always sugary and tasted like sugar on sugar instead of cake. Somehow, I miss that. I miss stuff he used to make like green pancakes or his eggs with grape jelly. It seemed so normally odd to me that I eventually welcomed it. Now, I just miss it. I just wonder if Two-bit ever tried stuff like that since he's bumming around our house now.

"What are you doing, Pony?" Two-bit asked as he watched me lick the chocolate frosting off the palm of my hand.

"Nothing," I said with a guilty smile. No matter what I was thinking about, depressing or not, Two-bit always made me smile with whatever he said.

Two-bit laughed like a hyena and cut himself a piece. "I'm gonna take you into work today," he said.

"Why? Feel bad that you have a ride and I don't?"

"No, I just wanna take you in. Now shut your trap and start getting ready."

Two-bit has never been good at threats. Not like Dally was with them. I think it was because Dally's were a promise and Two-bit's were empty. If Dallas said he was going to beat the tar out of you for something if you did it again. You better believe he meant business. Now with Two-bit, he could give you the same threat. If you did do it again and he found out, he'd never carry out the threat because he either forgot or did it with you.

"What are you going to do if I don't?"

"I'll make you," he said as he bit into more cake for the palm of his hand.

I went to my bedroom for socks. It wasn't like I was scared of him; I just figured that if I was going to work, I needed my socks. I was tying my tennis shoes when Two-bit flopped on the couch next to me. He stared at me as I shuffled my hair with my hand. It had just gotten where I wanted it again. It hasn't been like that since Johnny cut it and bleached it with peroxide.

Two-bit smiled as I hid all my hair in my hat. I looked in the mirror and, for the first time, I saw Soda in me. I staggered back a little before turning to Two-bit and smiling.

"Let's go," I said as I walked outside to his car. I wanted to get as much distance I could from me and that reflection. I'm scared to look in a mirror now.

As Two-bit rolled through yet another stop sign, I looked at him. "Do you have a problem with coming to a full stop?" I asked as I gripped the door handle when he cut off another guy in his car.

"Nope," he said with a smile. "But my car does."

"Your brakes went out again?"

Two-bit never gave me an answer. He just smiled. I gripped the door harder. I didn't want to die yet. I still a lot on my list I wanted to get through.

We finally neared the DX Station. I got out as Two-bit coast by and eventually got it to a complete stop. Steve came running out. He had a grin on his face, but I knew it was because he had another car to fix. Steve, still to this day, loves cars. He loves anything with wheels and an engine. Once, he tried swiping a motorcycle from this hood just so he could see how it worked. It didn't work because the hood eventually found him and demanded his bike back before Steve could get anything off it.

"Hey, Two-bit," Steve said as he stopped at the car. "What seems to be the problem with your car?"

"I'll give you one guess," I said as I walked into the shop.

Before I knew it, the two of them were pushing Two-bit's car into the garage for repair. How is Two-bit going to get the money for that one, I thought as I walked out to help my first customer for the day.

"Hey, what can I get you?" I asked as I started putting the gas pump in the car.

"Fill her up," they said as I started pumping and filling the tires.

"Alright," I said as I watched the meter go up. After it stopped, I went to the nearest dollar. "That will be five bucks," I said as I held out my hand.

"There ya go," he said with a smile. He stared at me for a moment while I counted the ones he gave me. "Hey, kid, you related to that them there Curtis brothers?"

I immediately thought my hair out of my hat or something. "Yeah," I said as I put the cash in my pocket.

"I thought so," he said. "You look just like them." I smiled at him. I took it as a compliment. "Take care, kid."

He drove off. He was the start of my day. Darry came by during his lunch hour and checked on me. I don't know why, though, I'm fine. Everything went by in a blur. That was until my last customer came in. It was near the end of my shift. I was just about done with what I thought was my last customer.

As the last car drove away, I started walking up to the shop where Steve was waiting for me. I had just opened the door when I heard the faint sound of an engine pull up. I sighed and turned around. There was that same guy who was under the hood of his car. I descetely rolled my eyes and walked to him.

"How can I help you?" I asked as I stopped a couple feet from him. God, he did look familiar. Just too familiar.

He stared at me. "Yeah, you guys do oil changes, right?"

I looked at him like he was crazy. "Yeah, Steve'll help you there." I turned toward the shop. "Hey, Randle, get out here."

As soon as I got the words out of my mouth, Steve came running out. I knew he was bored with nothing to do. he was a little bored with working on the same cars and Two-bit's brakes were easier than he had expected.

"What's up, Curtis?"

"He wants to know if you could give him an oil change," I said as I pointed to the familiar guy. He reminded me of Dallas. But Dallas doesn't cut his hair and would never in a million years dye it. I shook my head a little when the two of them started to talk. I started walking toward the shop door again. All I wanted to do was sit down for a second.

"Oh, hey, you're off the clock," Steve called after me. "Get home, Curtis."

I turned around and smiled at Steve. With that instant, I took off my hat and shook my head. I felt better. My hair was making me sweat anymore. I waved toward Steve as I walked away from them. As I turned around, to make sure Steve wasn't going to disappear, I noticed the guy staring at me. I turned around and heard steve say as I walked away, "Shame, she hasn't been the same since those deaths a few years back."

"What do you mean?"

"She lost her best friend and her brother within a year."

I tried not to pay attention to what Steve was saying to the Dallas look-alike. I knew what happened those years ago. I've been trying to move on ever since.


End file.
